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finally…

3 Sep

Finally, doing the thing I love most… travelling and performing. My band ‘yodhakaa’ and I are going to touring Delhi and Pune (in India) for a couple of shows… and I’ve packed in all my party gear… we-are-going-to-go-MAD. I figure I could live like this forever. Travel, see new places, shop, and sing ssssing sing, meet new people, paint, dance, write… I can’t wait, I’m so excited, I can barely type. All you bloggers… Susha is soon going to be coming to each and every one of your places, being a nut, excused from all moral and legal implications because she is an ‘artist’ and doesn’t give a damn!

how many more to satisfy me?

8 Aug

Everyone brags about how being on stage brings them alive, and how its like dope for them, and they lose themselves… the truth is, each show is a lifetime. Here are the things I love about my shows-

Practice. I cant remember when I am more happy. All I want to do is sit with my guys, make music, smile at each other, share food and ideas and chill at my practice place with no limits to ANYTHING. My other favorite practice time it with my mum and gran. See, I know I complain about them, I know sometimes I feel they constrict my artistic freedom… but at the end of the day, it pays off. the frustration really does come out!

j lo and dime. My two soul mates. I love having them lounge around me when I practice. I sneak them up on my bed and sing to them. They are my biggest artistic inspirations.

The day of the show. When I sleep. All day. I just sleep so much, I sleep like I’m going to sleep through the show! Its the time I sleep best… relaxing before my concerts.

the drive to the venue- the sound check. this is just an extended practice session.

the actual concert is mostly a blur. I don’t know when i get up there. I rarely know what I sing. I’ve tried earlier to savor every moment, but it just doesn’t work that way. I am in a haze, not realizing what I sing, not the beginnning or the end of each song… not even getting off.

And a feeling I will never miss- a gratefulness that the show went well… the final admission to myself that I actually was a bit tense about the concert, as I feel myself winding off, and relaxing… taking the night off sleep, and laying in wait for the next whole rigmarole, that is never usually far away. =D

biology for two

6 Aug

Slowly… bending, looking up

At your whiteness, standing still, frozen

You envelope me, pick me up

Reveal me to myself

Wait. Don’t hold me back, let me go

Swing swing swing… now I’m on top

Now you are. Ow! Don’t let me go all together

I’m free… wait… what?

Ok. Come with me. Swing me up to that.

Now I can reach it… why won’t you let me go?!

Whoa… now I see. The world is all mine.

In front of me. Just for me.

Don’t, don’t! I will forget.

Great. I have forgotten.

Are you ok? Have I said something wrong?

I have something you want don’t I?

I will join you. Help you.

Take me. Now we are one. I move when you move

You move when I think.

A circle… a line. A form.

Propel me, pull me back, twist me, turn with me.

Can you walk now? I have more.

I will take you. Yes?

Don’t complicate things yet. It does not have to be so.

Aren’t you a fast learner? Ah… that’s it.

It has been too much. Who ARE you?

May I leave now? I don’t want to.

But I should.

Maybe you won’t let me. I knew you won’t.

Don’t feel so bad. Ok I will stay.

Though I am here, only for you.

Take me to your home.

2012 = SPAIN

5 Aug

Being young and artsy, I have a dream, that I will escape to Spain in 2012 under the pretext of doing an art course, maybe some music shows, and not come back for six months at least. I wonder how people just go on living in the same place, doing the same things for ever. Stability is one thing… but I’ve just gotta get away. The sitting around, trying to please people who just don’t get enough. Putting up faces in front of different people, maintaining them, trying not to do anything that upsets the perfect balance you have created yourself, JUST so that you can go on living in your queer asymmetry without anyone’s interference. Its a hectic life the way I lead it. Mentally exhaustive, and pretty darn fruitless. 2012, spain. 2014 brasil, and I might never be touched again. Well, I might fly in for a concert or two, but other wise, its the world, music and me. You think they’l allow J lo to travel with me?